I started this blog for three reasons;
- To overcome my fear/resistance to new technologies.
- To get over my fear of social media.
- To become more comfortable with getting my picture taken.
Given that I feel I have accomplished what I set out to do it is interesting how sad and frustrated I am at this point. Actually, I still fear social media so that is where I am at right now.
“I am a big weirdo with a weakness/love for creatives.”
What I have discovered though is that the way I have approached the blogging/influencer industry is not good for me. I don’t think it is good for anyone. Constantly telling people to consume things is not good. Pretending my life is interesting when in fact I stay at home all day is a load of crap. That is the truth.
I have been fearful of sharing my real self because I have been told by many to stay “on-brand.” First off, I have no idea what my brand is. At this point I regret the name I chose for the blog because it comes across as quite formal. And I am the opposite of formal. I hate brushing my hair, wearing makeup and I feel most myself when I am laughing way too loud with my friends.
“I bought WAY TOO MANY CLOTHES to keep up”
I lost myself trying to mimic what I saw on Instagram. As a result I bought a lot of unnecessary clothes to keep up. Maybe this is a part of the industry you are not supposed to talk about. The blogging industry is incredibly saturated and it seems people are being gifted things every day. So, when you are just starting out and no one is sending you gifted items then guess what you do, you buy them yourself. I take full responsibility for feeling the need to “keep up” in that realm. But I wanted to say something because no one talks about the financial aspect of stating a lifestyle blog. Especially today when it seems everyday people are showing off new things constantly.
“It is time to let the real me out and stop the charade”
Maybe if I started in this industry earlier in my life I would be less critical, or sensitive, to what it is. I have worked very hard at this point in my life to let my freak flag fly high and proud. And maybe I can do that in this industry without fear that people will find me too much. Hell, if they do then so be it. I am who I am. That all being said nothing makes me question myself more than instagram. I have no plans to shut the blog down, but it is going to look very different because I cannot keep up this charade.
